"Please don't sing, please don't sing"

Until now, my most regretted trip to the cinema was to see Crossroads, in which Britney Spears made me want to gouge my eyes out with a rusty spoon. However, I think this has been surpassed by Burlesque. It was HORRENDOUS. Not even five minutes into the film I had my face covered with my scarf, trying to block out some of the wailing from Christina Aguilera as she gyrated round a chair for some reason. The one good thing that has come from this film is that two divas (Christina and Cher) in one place is TOO MANY. I spent most of the film whispering "please don't sing, please don't sing" to both of them, and wondering when Cher got so wise. Every two minutes there was some kind of inspirational speech from her, telling someone or other that they had to be true to themselves blah blah blah. My favourite Cher line without a doubt was "Remember how many times I've held your hair back as you've thrown up everything but your memories." She really does have a way with words. And I think she is too old to be dressing like a man dressed up as a strumpet. It was like Coyote Ugly (which I also did not care for) but with more sparkle, more bad wigs and more uneven red lipstick. Christina Aguilera was not only a terrible actress but she seemed to deem every single second of the film appropriate for singing and wailing like she's caught her finger on the iron. Oh, and the costume budget can't have been all that great because she was falling out of nearly every outfit and never wore underwear. All in all, a terrible film that could possibly have been saved were it not for Christina, who was quite frankly god-awful. Rant over.